What 755 people said makes an apology work

He apologized, it sounded real, and nothing changed. Now what?

Start with what an apology is made of. In 2016 a team at Ohio State led by Roy Lewicki, a management professor, had 755 people read apologies and rate how well they worked. The researchers broke every apology into six parts: regret, an explanation, acknowledgment of responsibility, repentance, an offer of repair, and a request for forgiveness.

The part people valued most was acknowledgment of responsibility. Second came the offer of repair, which Lewicki described as “committing to take action to undo the damage.” Dead last was asking for forgiveness, and his verdict on that one was blunt: “That’s the one you can leave out if you have to.”

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Here is that list applied to a professional. In March 2025, Jeff and Shaleia Divine of Twin Flames Universe sat down with CTV’s W5, billed as their first on-camera interview with a major news outlet. This is the operation that charged $4,444 for its Twin Flame Ascension Course in 2020 and became the subject of two documentaries in 2023.

On camera Jeff said “the twin flame concept, it’s okay if it’s misproven,” and “There’s no sacred cows here.” It sounds almost humble. Guess what CTV did not report: an apology.

The couple denied being cult leaders and called themselves victims of cancel culture. Just over three months later, on July 1, 2025, Michigan’s attorney general executed search warrants on two properties after a judge found probable cause that crimes had been committed.

The Free Sorry

An apology built from the parts that cost nothing to say: regret, a reason, and please forgive me. It skips the two parts those 755 people rated highest, I did this, and here is what I will do about it, because those are the only two anyone can check later.

Now hold the apology you got up against the six parts. Count how much of it was regret and please forgive me, and how much was I did this, and here is what I will do.

Fatal heart attack at 71

Her father took statins for 9 years.

Every visit he told his doctor the muscle pain was getting worse.

Every visit the doctor said: "That's normal."

He died of a heart attack at 71.

Cholesterol… Perfect.

Drug… Worked exactly as designed.

But he died anyway.

His daughter is a heart health researcher. That funeral was the day she started asking the questions her industry didn't want her to ask.

What she found has a name.

Almost no doctor screens for it. Almost no patient has heard of it.

She finally said it on camera:

If your parents took statins, or you do, or someone you love does…

Please watch this in the next 20 minutes before it’s taken down

P.S. Watch her face when she gets to the part about her father. She's not a person who shows emotion. It still gets her → Almost no doctor screens for this

Why the apology felt like progress

Here’s the part almost nobody talks about: an apology works on you the second it lands, and on him only once he acts on it. The relief you felt was real. It was also yours, and it got filed as evidence about him.

“But he cried. He meant it.”

He may well have. People mean apologies all the time. Meaning it is the regret part, and regret was never what was missing.

Sorry is a sentence. Repair is a schedule.

Am I above this? Five times a date I paid for came and went, and five times I bought another reading after the psychic explained the timing had shifted.

That was a Free Sorry with an invoice stapled to it, and I accepted every one. The credit card statement is still in my desk drawer: $2,400, fourteen months, six different months promised.

So when you ask me whether he’s really sorry, here is the honest version. I can tell you what you’re feeling. I can’t tell you what he’s deciding.

What he’s deciding shows up in one place only: what he does after the apology, across weeks, when nobody is asking him to.

Responsibility and repair are both promises, and a promise can only be checked later. Words arrive in a night. Behavior Over Time takes weeks, and it is the only instrument in this whole business that has never once lied to me.

And if ninety days shows you the same man with a better script, that is an answer too. Release counts as an outcome. A whole one.

What repair looks like, ninety days in

•	He names what he did without being led to it
•	He says what will be different, in specifics
•	The old behavior stops, not just the old wording
•	It still holds in week ten, when the sorry is old news
•	A no from you gets respected, not argued with

Ask yourself

For you alone. None of these need an answer from him.

01	What exactly did he say he would do differently, in his words and not the ones you filled in?

02	What has happened since the apology that you did not have to ask for?

03	If the apology had never come, what would the last three months already have told you?

One thing to do today

Write his apology down from memory and underline every phrase that promised an action. Count the underlines. That number is the real size of what he offered.

His apology is his to prove. My life is mine to live.

The rest of this week belongs to you. Fill one evening with a plan you would keep even if no message ever came.

Trust the timing. Keep becoming.

— Mara

P.S.

Notice which of the six parts hands the work to you instead of him. Forgiveness. It ranked dead last at Ohio State, Lewicki said you can leave it out, and you are allowed to hold yours until the other five show up.

What 755 people said makes an apology work

Fatal heart attack at 71

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